Hey there, kids! It's time for Bitch&Moan, where I rant for approximately 500 words about something that bothers me. It's guaranteed to be 100% frivolous, 97.637% of the time.
This week: Awful commercials
Sometimes gifts come in strange packaging....like ideas (or some other strange, slightly nonsensical proverb).
My gift came today while I was watching an episdode of 'Community' on NBC, wrapped in the finest of squirmy commercial badness. As soon as I saw it, I knew: "I must write about this so my friend/adopted twin Madison can maybe read about it one day when she's bored!" And so "Bitch&Moan" was born.
The Offenders:
1. Target
Picture this: a family gathered around a living room floor opening Christmas presents! Mom opens a giant present only to find.....a big, brand-new flat screen TV! Hooray? Not quite. The mom and dad then proceed to have a strained, thinly veiled argument about finances right in front of the kids, complete with creepy, forced smiles and all. Some people have pointed out that the commercial is realistic. Yes, because that's what we all rely on commercials for: to paint a scathing picture of society's flaws and expose us for what we really are.
Seriously, Target? Yeah, I get it, we all get: we're in a recession. Don't need to be reminded every four and a half minutes by your depressing failure of a commercial. This is especially disappointing coming from you, my bulls-eye beloved, as I'm a fan of your store and all of your other cutesy commercial sets.
2. Levi's Jeans
Every time this commercial comes on, I have to turn away. Why? Because I fear that if I watch the whole thing, I'll wake up in the morning and have a strange desire to join an obscure, new-age cult. If this thing isn't loaded with subliminal messages, I don't know what is.
I heard somewhere that one of the commercials has an original wax recording of Walt Whitman's voice. Very cool? Yes. Appropriate for a jeans commercial? Not one bit. It's not like this company hasn't produced good commercials, either- I was kind of in love with their "501 First Time" commercial. I'm not quite sure what they were aiming for with the "Pioneer" set, but this surely missed the mark.
3. Secret Deodorant
This commercial has a modern woman walking around the city, doing what modern women do....which is apparently smelling their pits and annoying the crap out of good, hard working cityfolk. Observe.
Thank God this isn't on TV anymore. I cannot begin to tell you how genuinely angry this commercial makes me. I especially feel for that poor taxi driver, who stops, probably thinking, "Hey, maybe this is a long distance trip! Maybe I'll make a little extra to bring home for my family tonight!" Nope. Sorry, man. Apparently she stopped you to let you know that she feels her two legs are superior to your transportation services.
Namely, that I watch FAR too much television.
